LOVE ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW

In a different time & world, you & I would be together. There’s no doubt about that. But in this time & this world, it just seems not meant to be. Don’t get me wrong, I do love you. & I’m sure I always will. But I can’t act upon that love. I can’t hold you like I wish to. Lay with you under the stars while I melt into your eyes. I can’t kiss you like I long to. But I can hug you with all the warmth I have. Talk to you late into the nite on the phone about absolutely nothing in particular. I hope you understand. You still mean the world to me. You just can’t mean the entire world.

There’s something in the air tonite. This electric fire that’s pulsing on the wind. This energy I can’t even begin to describe. It fills the streets with this false aliveness. The streets are abandoned & just…void of any human existence. You never become aware of the tranquil & simplistic splendor until the world goes into its slumber mode. Even the dancing of the rubbish appears to be like a ballet you never knew was being performed. The torn attire of the vagrant man asleep on the park bench seems like something surreal & statuesque-like. The city is everything throughout the day & secret wonderment at nite. The warmth makes you feel the vivacity inside your soul. You’re alone, but never really alone.

It’s quite sad when the ppl we thought we knew turn into this distant stranger. When did all this space between us happen? Things just get all rearranged during the process of growing up. I remember when I used to be able to count on you. We shared secrets & feelings. Now all those things are buried deep within our pasts. I guess it was happening all along. I just didn’t notice it ‘til it was already the end. I miss the person you used to be. I miss the “us” that their used to be. All I wanted was for someone to remain in my life through the thick & thin. Well wishes don’t always come true. You’ve moved on & have left me in your tracks. Closed the door on me & kept walking on ahead to the next one. At least I’ll always have the good memories of our times. That’s something that only time can erase. Ppl erase ppl.  & you’ve erased me.

Do you know the meaning of the word “pathetic”? ‘Cause bby, you’re the definition of it now. Ppl point their finger at you to explain the word. You’re so fake, it’s disgusting. Like a bad actor in a bad play- everyone can see right through you. You’re not fooling anyone anymore. You’re as transparent as the makeup you wear. The makeup doesn’t hide your flaws. It just cakes on top of them & makes you look like the whore you are. Spreading your crust-filled legs won’t make ppl love you. Nothing will. You have no friends. Just ppl that tolerate you, but talk non-stop behind your back. You’re a waste of space & everyone knows it. Why bother trying anymore? You try too hard. PATHETIC.

“Everything will be alright.” You keep saying it over & over again as if saying it is what’s gonna keep you together. You can’t believe you let it get this far. Things are out of control & you don’t know how to fix it. Maybe if you crawl inside of the deep hole you seem to have made for yourself you can just close your eyes & block out the world… It’s as empty & cold behind your eyelids as it is with them open. Your thoughts are choking you like the locket around your neck. “This can’t be real” is your next thought. “This isn’t how reality should be…” But it’s your reality… Learn to deal with it. You gotta find a way out.