LOVE ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW

VANESSA.
25, F, PANSEXUAL, single.
I'm a: vegetarian, artist, & a lover.
This is my Tumblr specifically for the poems/notes I write.
Ever feel like you don’t belong? Fuck it, who am I kidding? Everyone has. Like you’re just going through the motions of life because that’s what ppl expect of you. That’s what you’ve been badgered into believing is society’s norm. You go around living, but not completely. Feeling like a ghost. Just empty hollowness. You could be in the middle of a crowded room & feel utterly & completely alone. Like you’re just there existing. I feel this way almost every single day.

Ever feel like you don’t belong? Fuck it, who am I kidding? Everyone has. Like you’re just going through the motions of life because that’s what ppl expect of you. That’s what you’ve been badgered into believing is society’s norm. You go around living, but not completely. Feeling like a ghost. Just empty hollowness. You could be in the middle of a crowded room & feel utterly & completely alone. Like you’re just there existing. I feel this way almost every single day.

Just when I think there’s a lil’ light creeping its way in my life, I get proven wrong. Everything I have/am is darkness. Everything has become so tough. It’s near impossible to be happy when things are this way. I wanted you. More than anything. Nothing else but you. But somehow, someway…I lost.

Just when I think there’s a lil’ light creeping its way in my life, I get proven wrong. Everything I have/am is darkness. Everything has become so tough. It’s near impossible to be happy when things are this way. I wanted you. More than anything. Nothing else but you. But somehow, someway…I lost.

Maybe I’m finally over you. I never thought that that would happen. I tried so hard so many times. But I just couldn’t let you go. I fought to keep you. But now- I don’t feel the fight in me anymore. Idk what happened. I loved you so much it hurt. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. But maybe I held on too tight. I believed once that you felt the same way, but I think I was just being foolish. It feels like you feel nothing for me. So maybe I’ll start feeling the same way. Who am I kidding? I’m lying to myself. I might feel this way now, but it never stays. I’m gonna end up begging you to love me. Even when you don’t show me the feelings I wish you did, it just makes me want you more. There’s something wrong with me. I’m gonna end up texting you as soon as I finish typing this.

Maybe I’m finally over you. I never thought that that would happen. I tried so hard so many times. But I just couldn’t let you go. I fought to keep you. But now- I don’t feel the fight in me anymore. Idk what happened. I loved you so much it hurt. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. But maybe I held on too tight. I believed once that you felt the same way, but I think I was just being foolish. It feels like you feel nothing for me. So maybe I’ll start feeling the same way. Who am I kidding? I’m lying to myself. I might feel this way now, but it never stays. I’m gonna end up begging you to love me. Even when you don’t show me the feelings I wish you did, it just makes me want you more. There’s something wrong with me. I’m gonna end up texting you as soon as I finish typing this.

It’s been months since we’ve last talked. I finally got to the stage where I can go weeks without thinking about you. But going through old photos- you pop up & the feelings slowly start creeping in again. You were such a big part of my life that I had to let go. I wish things didn’t turn out the way that they did. I wish I could put you in my past where you belong. I know that you’re doing perfectly fine without me. That you probably don’t even think about me. But I can’t help myself. I let you get to me. You crawled into my brain & heart & buried yourself there. & you didn’t even have to try. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don’t wanna start feeling this way again. I’ll just go back to repressing the memories of you. It’s the only way I can move on.

It’s been months since we’ve last talked. I finally got to the stage where I can go weeks without thinking about you. But going through old photos- you pop up & the feelings slowly start creeping in again. You were such a big part of my life that I had to let go. I wish things didn’t turn out the way that they did. I wish I could put you in my past where you belong. I know that you’re doing perfectly fine without me. That you probably don’t even think about me. But I can’t help myself. I let you get to me. You crawled into my brain & heart & buried yourself there. & you didn’t even have to try. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don’t wanna start feeling this way again. I’ll just go back to repressing the memories of you. It’s the only way I can move on.