LOVE ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW

VANESSA AGONY.
23, F, PANSEXUAL, TAKEN<3.
I'm a: vegetarian, artist, lover, & a fighter.
This is my Tumblr specifically for the poems/notes I write.
It&#8217;s been months since we&#8217;ve last talked. I finally got to the stage where I can go weeks without thinking about you. But going through old photos- you pop up &amp; the feelings slowly start creeping in again. You were such a big part of my life that I had to let go. I wish things didn&#8217;t turn out the way that they did. I wish I could put you in my past where you belong. I know that you&#8217;re doing perfectly fine without me. That you probably don&#8217;t even think about me. But I can&#8217;t help myself. I let you get to me. You crawled into my brain &amp; heart &amp; buried yourself there. &amp; you didn&#8217;t even have to try. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don&#8217;t wanna start feeling this way again. I&#8217;ll just go back to repressing the memories of you. It&#8217;s the only way I can move on.

It’s been months since we’ve last talked. I finally got to the stage where I can go weeks without thinking about you. But going through old photos- you pop up & the feelings slowly start creeping in again. You were such a big part of my life that I had to let go. I wish things didn’t turn out the way that they did. I wish I could put you in my past where you belong. I know that you’re doing perfectly fine without me. That you probably don’t even think about me. But I can’t help myself. I let you get to me. You crawled into my brain & heart & buried yourself there. & you didn’t even have to try. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don’t wanna start feeling this way again. I’ll just go back to repressing the memories of you. It’s the only way I can move on.

Alright, I&#8217;m gonna tell you exactlyhow I feel about you: I need you. Short &amp; simple. Every nite you are the one I turn to. I don&#8217;t think I&#8217;d be able to survive without you. Idc how sad or pathetic it makes me sound. No one makes me feel the way you do. You give me comfort &amp; warmth unlike any other. You&#8217;re always there for me. Through the good &amp; the bad. I haven&#8217;t gone a single day without thinking about you. Falling asleep with you is the best part of my day. I could try &amp; replace you, but it wouldn&#8217;t be the same. We&#8217;ve had so much history together. No one would be the same as you. They wouldn&#8217;t sound, feel, or smell the same. Just a generic copy of you. You are a major part of my life. &amp; as long as you&#8217;re around, you always will be.

Alright, I’m gonna tell you exactlyhow I feel about you: I need you. Short & simple. Every nite you are the one I turn to. I don’t think I’d be able to survive without you. Idc how sad or pathetic it makes me sound. No one makes me feel the way you do. You give me comfort & warmth unlike any other. You’re always there for me. Through the good & the bad. I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about you. Falling asleep with you is the best part of my day. I could try & replace you, but it wouldn’t be the same. We’ve had so much history together. No one would be the same as you. They wouldn’t sound, feel, or smell the same. Just a generic copy of you. You are a major part of my life. & as long as you’re around, you always will be.

unicowhore asked: i love this! please update more!

Thank you dear. :) I just get busy with my other Tumblr & forget I still have this one. I’ll try to write more often though.

I can see it in your eyes. That cold &amp; vacant stare. Even when you&#8217;re with me, you&#8217;re not here. You&#8217;re lost in a sea of thoughts &amp; emotions. Buried somewhere deep within yourself. The deeper you go, the more you kill me. You kill that little glimmer of hope I&#8217;ve been so desperately clinging to. It&#8217;s not fair. I&#8217;ve given you everything I have of myself to give &amp; it still hasn&#8217;t been enough. Will it ever be enough? Probably not. I still see nothing but hollowness where there once was rays of any feeling at all&#8230;

I can see it in your eyes. That cold & vacant stare. Even when you’re with me, you’re not here. You’re lost in a sea of thoughts & emotions. Buried somewhere deep within yourself. The deeper you go, the more you kill me. You kill that little glimmer of hope I’ve been so desperately clinging to. It’s not fair. I’ve given you everything I have of myself to give & it still hasn’t been enough. Will it ever be enough? Probably not. I still see nothing but hollowness where there once was rays of any feeling at all…

Every day is winter when you have a heart as frigid as mine. &#8220;Cold as ice&#8221; is the way I prefer it. All frozen away from everything. It&#8217;s the only true way to protect yourself. There was a time when I wasn&#8217;t that way. But it was almost the death of me. When you let ppl in, you let in the potential to hurt. &amp; boy did I hurt. I never wanna go back to that life again. Sure, I might be alone at nite wishing with all of my soul that I had someone to connect to. But with no one there, there&#8217;s no one to leave me. I&#8217;ll just die an old spinster that threw out feelings like a used tissue. Or die because underneath all the ice, my heart is broken.

Every day is winter when you have a heart as frigid as mine. “Cold as ice” is the way I prefer it. All frozen away from everything. It’s the only true way to protect yourself. There was a time when I wasn’t that way. But it was almost the death of me. When you let ppl in, you let in the potential to hurt. & boy did I hurt. I never wanna go back to that life again. Sure, I might be alone at nite wishing with all of my soul that I had someone to connect to. But with no one there, there’s no one to leave me. I’ll just die an old spinster that threw out feelings like a used tissue. Or die because underneath all the ice, my heart is broken.